Sunday, December 26, 2010

who is smiling?

So the recent expression on everyones lips is "Girls / Boys are not smiling" ... Na wa o .. I have not spent 18 + years frowning under Lagos and Ghanaian sun to still not be smiling at this point ..

Girls ought to be smiling, I mean they've got a lot of stress-free ways to cover up their flaws .. The "big" ones have body magic ( the ultimate 'suck belle' suit of armour that instantly renders the stomach 'tyres' invisible) ..
For the ones with short or damaged hair, therz all sorts of Brazilian and Mongolian weaves and wigs
Ugly nails ? Fix the fake stick-on ones and even design 'em for that extra "wow factor"
Short ? Wear high-heeled shoes ..not just anyone , the ones with platforms in them ( the person that created /invented platform heels is going to heaven ... This is not up for discussion)
Horrible skin ? Foundation , concealer , powder .. All sorts of covering-agents are available.. Don't go all Eucharia Anoboi on us tho #GodWillBeatYouWithAStick Eucharia is enough for the world... Maybe even one too many
Flat boobs ? Get implants ..silicone injections or a wonderful wonder-bra ... No bum? Get "padded panties" or u could go all. Nicki Minaj on us and go under the knife...

So girls really , u have no reason to not smile u can cover up your "ugly" ;o) and deceive your dream guy into falling for you -_-

Guys ought to be smiling too , i mean, word on the streets is some girls are "giving it up" for #10,000 and BlackBerries ... Un-attractive guys officially have a shot at getting laid ... Whoop whoop !!! -_- ..if certainty of getting laid isn't a gd reason for a guy to smile, I dunno what is .

But really though, on a more serious note, if u r able to read this post, u have a reason to smile, u r alive ... A lot of people slept just like u did last night and didn't wake up ... U have ur friends and/or family to be thankful for .. God has given u the opportunity to make better use of your life, He has given u he chance to ask for forgiveness for your sins ... If that's not a reason to smile, I don't know what is ....

Happy boxing day peoplez and remember , you have a reason to smile ^_^

Friday, November 19, 2010

How Old Are You

Everyone says age is nothing but a number .. Well I don't agree wv 'em because I for one have no plans to marry someone that's less than 5 years older than I am ...because women tend to end up ageing looks-wise faster than men .. And I don't want to go out wv my husband and everyone'll keep asking me when I became a sugar mummy

I will however agree that age is not an indicator of common sense .. Many a time have I met people old enough to be my parents making statements that even my 12 year old cousin won't make .. A full grown woman said " I want my daughter to graduate with a 2'1 (second class upper) so that people will carry her brief case and she will "ride" big cars " #pause .. Are your brain cells drying with age or something ..u couldn't say so she'll be an independent and successful woman well equipped to face the challenges life throws at her ??

Neither is age an indicator of academic brilliance ..I'm sure we all have (or even are) that one person in our class/ faculty that we are 100% sure used a "fat brown envelope" to get in ... Well, my envelope person is a not-so-attractive girl (there are loads of 'em in my class so abeg if u think its u, it might not be :o) ) in my class. ...who doesn't have an eye for fashion (also plenty in my class) .. I am a law student and you might wonder how someone could possibly mess up "white shirt with a black skirt" .. Well you'd be surprised to say the least.

To be perfectly honest, age is not really indicated by one's outward appearance .. I look younger than some people older than me and some people older than me look younger than I do ( my brother whoz 3 years older than I am)... At family functions: "Nike how is your baby brother" ..and I'm just there smiling because I try not to correct people above 60 because they don't really register what you tell 'em

Age is not an indicator of experience either .. One cannot begin to imagine the horrors and violence some 8 year olds have seen because of their environment that 50 year olds haven't seen.

So what IS age ? What is age an indicator of ? ...the answer is ....... *drumroll* .... The number of birthdays one has had #kbye ...

That's all :o) ... Happy weekend everyone

Saturday, November 13, 2010

criticise your size

So the other day , I was walking back from the cafeteria of my hostel .. On my way back to my room I passed the kebab stand where I saw 2 friends I always see together .. (For the sake of keeping world war 2 ancient history, let's call 'em A and B) .. A is slim and petite wv curves in the right places while B is. ..let's just say , she reminds me of puff puff soaked in water (based on my "garri theory" ..that's when something is left in water, it swells to like 3ce its normal size)... So I'm guessing u get the picture

Both A and B were purchasing kebab .. I just happened to hear them place their orders .. A ordered 2 sticks of beef while B ordered 2 sticks of beef , 1 stick of gizzard and 2 sausages O _ O ... I stopped mid stride when I heard this .. Almost tripping, falling, snapping my spinal cord and dying .. Ok fine .. I'm exaggerating but u understand.. What puzzled me the most about this scenario is that B is the very same girl that'll complain about her weight and go to the gym ... So y was she consuming food like a black hole .. I personally don't mind people being fat ..I'm no model myself ..but I think if ur to be fat, u need confidence to pull it off and not make people wonder if you do anything besides eat.

And it seems some people and by people, I mean girls .. Don't realise they are fat .. And some that do, want to form "Non-conformity to society's dictations" and wear all sorts of outfits that *gags* ... Shuld not be worn by anyone with a midriff that could serve as a spare tyre of a ford explorer ... I personally know a girl that is almost literally larger than life but this girl has the confidence of a "Miss world". .. And I swear I don't notice this girl is fat till I try to hug her and I realise my arms can't go around her x_x.

I'm not saying being skinny is wonderful either ..I'm an African and from what I gather, our men don't fancy. Girls that have the physiques of boards ( black, white, ironing, drawing, surfing etc).. I was even talking to a model the other day I went for a make-up job and she sed she wishes she had a bum ..

Well, I think the point of this is that no matter what size u r , love urself inside and out and carry urself wv confidence ..I'm not saying u shld b mistaken for a pregnant woman or sumo wrestler either though...
Thank you

Hope u guys like this post :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

BB adiction test

So this is how I know I am not addicted to my blackberry ... MTN Ghana regularly makes me go for a mandatory "BB addiction" test as often as possible ... "How is this possible?" You might ask .. Well , they refuse to let my BB service work :( ...

Yes, I heard you (my fellow bb users) gasp ...O ,brothers and sisters of mine in the BB, fear not (entirely) the absence of BB service .. Man shall not communicate by pinging alone .. NO! O ye!, our phone(s) without BB service still make(s) calls and *gulps* sends SMSz ... Yes yes .. The horror that is calculating the price of sending a single word as a response or a simple smiley .. Yes , this will take some adjusting to seeing precious in a bikini .. It is brutal but the strong can and will survive ....

At least my fingers get to be "un-bracketed " and my thumb ceases to face downward most of the day .. It honestly feels like I was getting "bow thumb" .. Infact .. I believe "bow thumb" Is a very real disease / defect (however u choose to address it... U can call a spade Rick ross' or precious' spoon .. All na same .. All na packaging) caused by the blackberry .. A whole new disease ...

So is the "can't get it up" syndrome .. U might wonder why the name sounds like a man who cannot perform sexually .. Well , the disease is so called because the necks of BB users are forever positioned like a limp penis .. Facing down ... Looking at the bb screen while worsening their bow thumb disease. So bb users have parenthes-ized thumbs and limp-penis necks ...

Worse yet , since acquiring our black berries, we have suddenly started walking into solid surfaces , from pillars , to walls , doors ,cars (both parked and moving) , other humans, fellow bb users , Gutters , potholes (for we in Nigeria and Ghana), wrong rooms .. All sorts of places .. We end up twisting ankles and falling down on our anti-social asses kuz our necks are forever "limp" .. We fail to observe the "two second rule" .. "Wats the two second rule ?" .. This is when bb users look up every two seconds (or less) to observe their immediate environment(s) to make sure they are still on course to where they are meant to be headed and are not about to bump into a glass door or any other noun -_-...

The other day , my friends (4) and I were in a room together "chilling" for over an hour and there was total silence .. Well apart from the "kprrrr akpakpakpa" sounds of us pressing buttons on our BBz and the occasional giggles and comments on what we were doing with our black berries (tweeting ,facebooking, pinging sending pictures of erm..body parts, browsing aimlessly or to open up links from twitter and facebook) .. It was all fun and games until MTN Ghana decided to conduct their "Bb addiction test" on me and then I realised the folly of my (our) ways

For the above listed and many more , I apologise to all non-BB service having -phone users for zoning out every time u start yarning balls and I just twe.... #pause .. I have been tested by MTN Ghana and the results say I am not an addict .. So that means every time I zoned out it was because u were yarning dust and dulling my soul .. And I'd have been counting the squares and rectangles on the ceiling if I didn't have a BB .. So err .. U can like to stop hating and leave my bb and I alone .

Ps the "bb addiction test" has proven to not be comprehensive and is not always right .. So as I suffer from "can't get it up syndrome" "bow thumbs" and "bumping-into-All nouns-gitis" all I can say is observe the "two second rule" and save ur forehead the trauma of ramming into a glass door .
Thank u.

Hope u guys enjoyed ths post . Xx

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Cycle (trying to get my blo-jo "blog mojo" back)

Hey guys :) .. Sorry I went M.I.A on you... Was busy trying to discover and brush up on my talent the internet connection where I am is horrible. Plus I think my format for writing the previous posts was too formal and I don't see myself sticking to that so... I hope u like my new way(s) of writing.

I'm confused bout what to write about... Remember the feeling I wrote about ; somedays you wake up and u just can't pick /point at anything tangible and say u have achieved it by yourself ... Well, I've been having that feeling of recent ...then I read the post and I felt abit better..

My second year of university started a few weeks ago and I was glad I could finally say "those freshers" ( as a badt guys B) ) .. Looking at the freshers now, I can already spot the "IT" girls of their year, the girls that want to belong to this group and the things they're doing to get in ... My friend A told me of how B was at the saloon last week and the. "OGA" of all of them kept snapping and bossing them around and how they all willingly answered her every whim .. All I could do was laugh when I heard.. Its like an endless cycle ..its just how the cookie crumbles really. Sadly for the Boss lady, what she doesn't know is, her life in my school is under a magnifying glass, her days are numbered, and her downfall is being plotted every second she wriggles her 16 year old behind and flips her artificial hair out of her face on the corridors of Brunei (my hostel) . If I divulge anymore information on this "Boss lady", I might aswell give up her name... So what's my point from all this

#1 wherever you are, people are watching you
#2 if u feel like hot shit and flaunt yourself around prematurely, u will surely get what is coming for you.. You shall be taught to douggie <-- Metaphor
#3 Be no ones mugu maga or baga (yes baga ) .. Everyone is unique, yes, but people have similar characteristics , morals and views .. Don't bend your ways to fit in with someone else's. Because it more often than not leads to disasters .
#4 DON'T BE AN ARISTO BABE (kuz that's definitely the path the "boss lady" is on)

Leme know if you would prefer me to go back to my former format for blogging .. Comments, contributions and argurments are welcome (but is it really that serious?? ..arguments) .. Thanks guys. Xx

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Hi guys .. will be blogging about sight today (not literal sight) .. fore sight and hind sight is what i mean ... Basically, never forgetting where you are coming from and where you plan on reaching in life.

Human beings have the tendency to forget where they are coming from and No I don’t mean that literally; They forget their morals and upbringing... the values their parents preached and tried to instil in them while growing up. We should make it a point never to do that because it is our past that gives way to our present ; makes us who we are; teaches us the lessons (through mistakes) that we use to survive now ; is the source of our inspiration and motivation for the future ultimately. Its so funny how we all laugh or disregard when our parents keep saying “Remember the child of whom you are” but its really important.. its all part of never forgetting where u are from... you must remember all the decisions you made and subsequent consequences so they can help u make better ones now and in the future.

A TYPICAL illustration is that of the girl or guy brought up in a well to do home with a loving an supportive family .. parents who strive to provide the best for him/ her and then when they move into the university, they join the “in crowd” and do things they know their parents wont approve of to belong and be cool.... and end up (in the case of the girl ) getting pregnant / failing in school / getting a disease/ raped / even killed (in the case of guys) stealing to keep up appearances/ failing in school/ becoming a drug addict / a cult/gang member. Excuse my language but THAT SHIT IS NOT COOL... its just unfair on the parents and evil of the child and shows un-appreciativeness of Gods gift of life to them. Please don’t end up in this category .. it doesn’t take much to get carried away and the worst thing you can do to yourself is get into a horrible situation and all you can say is “HAD I KNOWN”.. you cant undo what you’ve done so all that one is FIRST CLASS JONZING .

Never lose focus of what you’ve got planned ahead for yourself as well.. we cant measure how far we’ve come in life if we have no goal(s) to attain. Plus it feels good when u wake up each day and know you are on the right track to becoming what you want to be... one step closer to being fulfilled and it makes life more straight forward in general. 

I’m sorry this is late.. I hope you gained something no matter how little.. comments are very welcome ^_^ xx

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Ps and Qs

Hi  will be blogging about manners today. “P’s and q’s” (in case you don’t know stands for please and thank you). Our generation seems to have neglected common curtsey and its power to make things happen in our lives. I for one dare not try that crap out because of the type of home I’m from (proper Yoruba) you’d better find your self on your knees while greeting your mum’s elder cousin’s husband’s brother ... yep! (no matter what you’ve got on ... which is why i don’t wear white to family events) and you had better be smiling while you’re at it too; and if the dude is cool, he just might give you “money for credit” to the tune of N5000 .. yeah , credit right... I’d start envisaging my next weave and how much it costs (just saying).

People don’t seem to realise the power of Ps and Qs.... Let me give you a real life scenario..:
Uncle Sheriff (my dad’s former driver) had such a bad attitude .. the guy could beg you for something and it would sound like he wants to hit you . He used to pick me up from school and being the only female child and having no maid in the house, I am responsible for giving him food. On days that he didn’t deem it fit to speak to me properly , his portion of food would mysteriously shrink and half of his meat would have gone for a stroll .. I think Uncle sheriff realised what was going on and as a sharp guy who doesn’t play with his stomach started acting right .. saying please and thank you and we got along just fine ..

Frankly I don’t care how old you are or what your daddy owns or where you are coming from , respect begets respect .. You shouldn’t be polite just to your elders or people who you know can help you. The little 8 year old boy you shouted at to pass you the “GQ” magazine at “XYZ” fashion oriented company could be the ONLY son of the executive director of the company and might just tell his dad not to hire you because you mistreated him. Make it a point in your life to speak to people properly because the world is small, every one knows every one , there is the 6 degrees rule (which states that everyone in the world is connected by at most 6 people i.e. there is some body that knows somebody... that knows you) and you never know how the story of how well mannered you are will spread round .

I’m not saying be a push over ...NO!! .. Please know when to refuse people.. that is also very important in life because people will “try to ride you” if they’re given the opportunity.. so be wise ... be polite and well mannered but be no one’s push over. Don’t be rude in the name of refusing people either though, learn to be diplomatic about how to turn people down.. its very important. Read books on the art of speech and how to communicate with people .. this will be a great help.

I’m sorry this post is late and i hope you gained something from it . Please leave comments and suggestions. Thank you ^_^.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Discoveries, Honing and The Unknown

Hi guys .. I’m back and I’ll be blogging about talents today . So we all know we are good at something .. for some its drawing, singing, dancing, photography, acting .. it goes on and on. But then “what our TALENT is” is what eludes us.. for whatever the gift is to truly be a talent, we must be exceptionally good at it . But this is where we have a misconception.. we forget that this gift is like a diamond in the rough , like crude natural resources .. we expect it to be all “pretty and shinny” when we discover it .. But that is not how it works.. when a natural ability is discovered, it should be nurtured and honed.. worked-on ..only then will it be “pretty and shiny” and can truly be called a talent.

Loads of times, people pass through life without finding their talents.. this is sad and a waste of the gift God has bestowed upon them. These people may not necessarily be the ones to blame for not discovering their talents; because honestly, different generations/eras accept different things as talents . Photography became accepted as an actual talent just of recent .. I’m sure it was not so in our grandparents time .. most couldn’t afford cameras and could therefore not even have known if they’d be good at capturing the world through camera lens. Don’t even get me started on make-up . even some today scoff when I say i want to hone my make-up skills .. i just laugh at their ignorance .. i could bet their mouths would shut if they saw the pay cheques of make up artists; they’d probably take make-up classes as well.
At some point in our lives, we all sit and think “ what am i going to do with my life?” and the answer to that question certainly does not come easy .. and even when we conclude that we want to be doctors, lawyers, engineers etc , we discover that the path to achieving those things is full of hardship and sacrifices and of course as humans, we start to look for an easy way out.. a straight forward path . WAKE UP CALL there is no such thing ..nothing in life (well nothing good) comes easy.. even the easiest-seeming things are hard to come by . The only thing we can do to make our journeys through life more bearable is to do something we like/are good at.

Its just lucky that some peoples’ talents can be their sole source of income in this era ... take a look a Chris Rock.. If I were that funny, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article; Christiano Ronaldo, Paris Hilton(never been quite sure what her talent is ).. Victoria Beckham (singing definitely is not her talent.... but she IS rich and famous). If your talent puts you in this category of people( i.e. people with really well paying CAREERS), then praise God and do not rub it in the faces of those who are clueless as to what their talents are because #ThatMightGetYouSlapped.

You might think you are the only one that wakes up on some days and just questions the direction in which they are headed; fret not for you do not tread the path of the unknown alone. Here is something you should always think about when you really start getting worried: all those times you got into really big TROUBLE and you could have sworn that your life had ended all those times .. you have some how managed to move past those incidents and they are all just memories now and you are the wiser for them; things just seem to work themselves out as long as you take them one step at a time.

Don’t forget , if you are even remotely good at some thing, try improving your skills at whatever it is and it just might turn out to be your talent. If not #NaTohCrashBeDat.

Hope u enjoyed this article. Did it in a bit of a rush though *embarrassed* ; comments are very much welcome ^_^. X

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Pictures for previous post ^_^

seeing as im just getting the hang of this , you'll have to forgive me for posting this pictures after the actual article *embarrassed*. So one is of "friends" and the other (adorable if i do say so myself) one is of siblings ^_^


Hi evreryone .. so this is my first proper post and today, i will be blogging about friendships, bonds, close ties and alliances..Who we ought to put our trust in and call out true friends.
From the dawn of time, relationships and alliances have been formed .. most of them imperfect.I shall be using some of the below stated relationships as case studies in this article. Take a look at
• Adam and Eve .. that relationship brought us to this point in life. That relationship is the reason it hurts to procreate ...please take note of how a bad relationship can take its toll on people other than those actually involved in it..Please can some1 tell me why oh why! Adam ate the forbidden fruit .. I mean .. no matter how good Eves “toto” was, that dint justify being such a mugu. That was like the one thing they weren’t meant to do and they just had to do it . smh . Thanks a lot guys
Lets also take a look at
• Cain and Abel .. siblings... one killed the other out of jelousy. I mean you might wana kill a dude buh ur brother ?! FINE ! You might want to kill your brother (i know i’ve wanted to loads of times) buh you don’t go out and actually do it .. c’mon son.

• I don’t have a solid biblical/historical documentation of an alliance that screwed one of the parties over .. BUT ! you cant tell me you haven’t seen it with your own two ‘koro koro’ eyes and if you claim that you havnt then u need VISINE in ur life .. stat!. We all know this story .. Temi confided in Tolu about Toyin having an STD .. { Temi accidentally stumbled on the Lab report while looking for one sleek eye shadow palate} Tolu tells Simi one day when she is telling her about he failing retationship wv Seye (grief being the variant) .. don’t ask me how Toyin’s ‘erogenous craw craw’ came up... and so the gist spreads on and on .. now Toyinz nyash is open and she is being stigmatized against... she is beginning to consider suicide as a way out. :(

No man is an Island , man by nature is gregarious .. we need friends relationships and alliances to survive but lets make sure its with the right people. Im not saying be a snob. ... I 4-1 (englands loss ..hehe #kbye) have loads of acquaintances and talk to loads of people but have very few friends.

I believe that siblings should be our primary friends .. blood is thicker than water (me i don’t know what possessed cain sha) .. form strong bonds wv ur siblings as they are less likely to screw u over. Have few friends .. by friends , i mean people who u can tell ur secrets and be be ur true self with.... not the babe/ dude u buzz only when its time to party or you wana dubb an assignment frm ‘em. If you cannot see who your true friends are, i suggest visine, chloraphencol and ice cold water (mix ‘em in a bath an jump in) .. maybe ur eye will clear after. Your friends are like make-up/ rililili gud plastic surgery .. theyr supposed to enhance the beauty and greatness in you .. make you better and not dull your shine.

Now what you may ask, is this ‘variant’ .. this variant as i have named it is a metaphor for whatever condition lowers ur guard down and makes u enter bad relationships and trust the wrong people. Variants range from Alcohol, early/mid/late life crisis, hormones, momentary lapse of common sense, menstrual period (yes, that one sef dey), weed/mary J / speed/ ecstacy, even grief (sad but true) . I can only urge you to try as much as possible to avoid these variants when ur about to enter a relationship or else “fowl nyash go open” (you being the fowl).

Hope you enjoyed ths and gained a little sumfink... plz leave comments . Thenx. xx

Monday, June 28, 2010

First post

so .. im sure i'll get the hang of this soon enuf.. this blog is supposed to be an avenue for not just for me buh for erri1 that wants to to voice out/ vent the day to day struggles that we as teenagers, growing individuals, students, young entrepreneurs, dreamers etc face and how we've managed to over come them .. But on a light note.

I hope ths makes sense nd u enjoy it. :). xx