Wednesday, November 10, 2010

BB adiction test

So this is how I know I am not addicted to my blackberry ... MTN Ghana regularly makes me go for a mandatory "BB addiction" test as often as possible ... "How is this possible?" You might ask .. Well , they refuse to let my BB service work :( ...

Yes, I heard you (my fellow bb users) gasp ...O ,brothers and sisters of mine in the BB, fear not (entirely) the absence of BB service .. Man shall not communicate by pinging alone .. NO! O ye!, our phone(s) without BB service still make(s) calls and *gulps* sends SMSz ... Yes yes .. The horror that is calculating the price of sending a single word as a response or a simple smiley .. Yes , this will take some adjusting to seeing precious in a bikini .. It is brutal but the strong can and will survive ....

At least my fingers get to be "un-bracketed " and my thumb ceases to face downward most of the day .. It honestly feels like I was getting "bow thumb" .. Infact .. I believe "bow thumb" Is a very real disease / defect (however u choose to address it... U can call a spade Rick ross' or precious' spoon .. All na same .. All na packaging) caused by the blackberry .. A whole new disease ...

So is the "can't get it up" syndrome .. U might wonder why the name sounds like a man who cannot perform sexually .. Well , the disease is so called because the necks of BB users are forever positioned like a limp penis .. Facing down ... Looking at the bb screen while worsening their bow thumb disease. So bb users have parenthes-ized thumbs and limp-penis necks ...

Worse yet , since acquiring our black berries, we have suddenly started walking into solid surfaces , from pillars , to walls , doors ,cars (both parked and moving) , other humans, fellow bb users , Gutters , potholes (for we in Nigeria and Ghana), wrong rooms .. All sorts of places .. We end up twisting ankles and falling down on our anti-social asses kuz our necks are forever "limp" .. We fail to observe the "two second rule" .. "Wats the two second rule ?" .. This is when bb users look up every two seconds (or less) to observe their immediate environment(s) to make sure they are still on course to where they are meant to be headed and are not about to bump into a glass door or any other noun -_-...

The other day , my friends (4) and I were in a room together "chilling" for over an hour and there was total silence .. Well apart from the "kprrrr akpakpakpa" sounds of us pressing buttons on our BBz and the occasional giggles and comments on what we were doing with our black berries (tweeting ,facebooking, pinging sending pictures of erm..body parts, browsing aimlessly or to open up links from twitter and facebook) .. It was all fun and games until MTN Ghana decided to conduct their "Bb addiction test" on me and then I realised the folly of my (our) ways

For the above listed and many more , I apologise to all non-BB service having -phone users for zoning out every time u start yarning balls and I just twe.... #pause .. I have been tested by MTN Ghana and the results say I am not an addict .. So that means every time I zoned out it was because u were yarning dust and dulling my soul .. And I'd have been counting the squares and rectangles on the ceiling if I didn't have a BB .. So err .. U can like to stop hating and leave my bb and I alone .

Ps the "bb addiction test" has proven to not be comprehensive and is not always right .. So as I suffer from "can't get it up syndrome" "bow thumbs" and "bumping-into-All nouns-gitis" all I can say is observe the "two second rule" and save ur forehead the trauma of ramming into a glass door .
Thank u.

Hope u guys enjoyed ths post . Xx


  1. Roflmao... Brilliant write-up
    Lmao @ "calling a spade rick ross n limp-penis"..
    Loved ery bit of it

  2. Truly's a disease o..hmm..the generation of the antisocial SOCIALITE smh