Friday, November 19, 2010

How Old Are You

Everyone says age is nothing but a number .. Well I don't agree wv 'em because I for one have no plans to marry someone that's less than 5 years older than I am ...because women tend to end up ageing looks-wise faster than men .. And I don't want to go out wv my husband and everyone'll keep asking me when I became a sugar mummy

I will however agree that age is not an indicator of common sense .. Many a time have I met people old enough to be my parents making statements that even my 12 year old cousin won't make .. A full grown woman said " I want my daughter to graduate with a 2'1 (second class upper) so that people will carry her brief case and she will "ride" big cars " #pause .. Are your brain cells drying with age or something ..u couldn't say so she'll be an independent and successful woman well equipped to face the challenges life throws at her ??

Neither is age an indicator of academic brilliance ..I'm sure we all have (or even are) that one person in our class/ faculty that we are 100% sure used a "fat brown envelope" to get in ... Well, my envelope person is a not-so-attractive girl (there are loads of 'em in my class so abeg if u think its u, it might not be :o) ) in my class. ...who doesn't have an eye for fashion (also plenty in my class) .. I am a law student and you might wonder how someone could possibly mess up "white shirt with a black skirt" .. Well you'd be surprised to say the least.

To be perfectly honest, age is not really indicated by one's outward appearance .. I look younger than some people older than me and some people older than me look younger than I do ( my brother whoz 3 years older than I am)... At family functions: "Nike how is your baby brother" ..and I'm just there smiling because I try not to correct people above 60 because they don't really register what you tell 'em

Age is not an indicator of experience either .. One cannot begin to imagine the horrors and violence some 8 year olds have seen because of their environment that 50 year olds haven't seen.

So what IS age ? What is age an indicator of ? ...the answer is ....... *drumroll* .... The number of birthdays one has had #kbye ...

That's all :o) ... Happy weekend everyone

Saturday, November 13, 2010

criticise your size

So the other day , I was walking back from the cafeteria of my hostel .. On my way back to my room I passed the kebab stand where I saw 2 friends I always see together .. (For the sake of keeping world war 2 ancient history, let's call 'em A and B) .. A is slim and petite wv curves in the right places while B is. ..let's just say , she reminds me of puff puff soaked in water (based on my "garri theory" ..that's when something is left in water, it swells to like 3ce its normal size)... So I'm guessing u get the picture

Both A and B were purchasing kebab .. I just happened to hear them place their orders .. A ordered 2 sticks of beef while B ordered 2 sticks of beef , 1 stick of gizzard and 2 sausages O _ O ... I stopped mid stride when I heard this .. Almost tripping, falling, snapping my spinal cord and dying .. Ok fine .. I'm exaggerating but u understand.. What puzzled me the most about this scenario is that B is the very same girl that'll complain about her weight and go to the gym ... So y was she consuming food like a black hole .. I personally don't mind people being fat ..I'm no model myself ..but I think if ur to be fat, u need confidence to pull it off and not make people wonder if you do anything besides eat.

And it seems some people and by people, I mean girls .. Don't realise they are fat .. And some that do, want to form "Non-conformity to society's dictations" and wear all sorts of outfits that *gags* ... Shuld not be worn by anyone with a midriff that could serve as a spare tyre of a ford explorer ... I personally know a girl that is almost literally larger than life but this girl has the confidence of a "Miss world". .. And I swear I don't notice this girl is fat till I try to hug her and I realise my arms can't go around her x_x.

I'm not saying being skinny is wonderful either ..I'm an African and from what I gather, our men don't fancy. Girls that have the physiques of boards ( black, white, ironing, drawing, surfing etc).. I was even talking to a model the other day I went for a make-up job and she sed she wishes she had a bum ..

Well, I think the point of this is that no matter what size u r , love urself inside and out and carry urself wv confidence ..I'm not saying u shld b mistaken for a pregnant woman or sumo wrestler either though...
Thank you

Hope u guys like this post :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

BB adiction test

So this is how I know I am not addicted to my blackberry ... MTN Ghana regularly makes me go for a mandatory "BB addiction" test as often as possible ... "How is this possible?" You might ask .. Well , they refuse to let my BB service work :( ...

Yes, I heard you (my fellow bb users) gasp ...O ,brothers and sisters of mine in the BB, fear not (entirely) the absence of BB service .. Man shall not communicate by pinging alone .. NO! O ye!, our phone(s) without BB service still make(s) calls and *gulps* sends SMSz ... Yes yes .. The horror that is calculating the price of sending a single word as a response or a simple smiley .. Yes , this will take some adjusting to seeing precious in a bikini .. It is brutal but the strong can and will survive ....

At least my fingers get to be "un-bracketed " and my thumb ceases to face downward most of the day .. It honestly feels like I was getting "bow thumb" .. Infact .. I believe "bow thumb" Is a very real disease / defect (however u choose to address it... U can call a spade Rick ross' or precious' spoon .. All na same .. All na packaging) caused by the blackberry .. A whole new disease ...

So is the "can't get it up" syndrome .. U might wonder why the name sounds like a man who cannot perform sexually .. Well , the disease is so called because the necks of BB users are forever positioned like a limp penis .. Facing down ... Looking at the bb screen while worsening their bow thumb disease. So bb users have parenthes-ized thumbs and limp-penis necks ...

Worse yet , since acquiring our black berries, we have suddenly started walking into solid surfaces , from pillars , to walls , doors ,cars (both parked and moving) , other humans, fellow bb users , Gutters , potholes (for we in Nigeria and Ghana), wrong rooms .. All sorts of places .. We end up twisting ankles and falling down on our anti-social asses kuz our necks are forever "limp" .. We fail to observe the "two second rule" .. "Wats the two second rule ?" .. This is when bb users look up every two seconds (or less) to observe their immediate environment(s) to make sure they are still on course to where they are meant to be headed and are not about to bump into a glass door or any other noun -_-...

The other day , my friends (4) and I were in a room together "chilling" for over an hour and there was total silence .. Well apart from the "kprrrr akpakpakpa" sounds of us pressing buttons on our BBz and the occasional giggles and comments on what we were doing with our black berries (tweeting ,facebooking, pinging sending pictures of erm..body parts, browsing aimlessly or to open up links from twitter and facebook) .. It was all fun and games until MTN Ghana decided to conduct their "Bb addiction test" on me and then I realised the folly of my (our) ways

For the above listed and many more , I apologise to all non-BB service having -phone users for zoning out every time u start yarning balls and I just twe.... #pause .. I have been tested by MTN Ghana and the results say I am not an addict .. So that means every time I zoned out it was because u were yarning dust and dulling my soul .. And I'd have been counting the squares and rectangles on the ceiling if I didn't have a BB .. So err .. U can like to stop hating and leave my bb and I alone .

Ps the "bb addiction test" has proven to not be comprehensive and is not always right .. So as I suffer from "can't get it up syndrome" "bow thumbs" and "bumping-into-All nouns-gitis" all I can say is observe the "two second rule" and save ur forehead the trauma of ramming into a glass door .
Thank u.

Hope u guys enjoyed ths post . Xx