Dictation

Just as I was about to give up on blogging today for lack of what to blog about, a thought came to me .. So today I'll be blogging about what we take into consideration when making huge decisions in our lives ..

As an 18 year old (yes dastrite I'm 18), I havnt had to make a lot of huge decisions ;atleast not by myself .. My parents have always been there to advise me ( thank God cause I'm pretty sure my life would be in shambles if I were to have been the one making the decisions) . At some point in time we have to make decisions .. I'm not talking about "do I want Chicken or Turkey" or "should I buy this curly weave or this wavy one" ... (Or my most recent dillema) "should I do centre parting or side parting" .. (S/o to everyone that helped me decide) No ..I'm talking about the big ones ; the ones that'll leave their marks on you for the rest of your life.


We all read all the advice columns in newspapers and magazines : " Dear aunty Vero, I am a 24 year old lady and I do not know whether I should marry my high school sweet heart that is still struggling financially or this new rich guy I met that pampers me and also makes me happy " .. And then Aunty Vero starts talking about many things , not directly answering the question .. She basically says do what makes u happy .. No one should decide for u .. Blah blah blah

But is this really the reality of the situation ? Do we really make decisions based solely on our happiness and feelings ? What factors really dictate what steps in life we take ? .. Societal norms , culture , logic and then personal happiness (let me know if I left anything out) ..

Sometimes we make decisions and then blame our (temporary) unhappiness on the fact that ur decision wasn't really based on ur feelings ... Truth be told, in the long run we'll probably be glad the decision wasn't made based on our feelings at the time ... Personally , I would NEVER have chosen to study law if the decision was based on my feelings. ..I certainly won't have willingly opted to stress myself so much when I cld have chosen to do something easier .. Right now, I'm at the "why did I do this to myself" stage ..but I'm pretty sure in the long run , I'll be very glad that this is the path I chose.

If we all based decisions solely on feelings, the world would be in utter chaos , no one would get anything done. Don't lie, you probably think you are the worst procrastinator ever ; there could be an "I'm the biggest procrastinator ever" competition and everyone would genuinely believe they are entitled to the prize .. Its just human nature .. We want to relax and chill and live in the moment... We only get into action when we know we have to.

I am however not saying fling your feelings out of the window during your decision making process.. They do matter ; but they are not ALL that matter.
So when someone advices you to make an important decision based on what you feel .. Stop and think because your feelings aren't the only item on your " factors-for-decision-making list". The bottom point is let ALL the factors inform your decision making.

Comments, opposing views and agreements should be made known

selective blindness

Was cracking my head trying to figure out what to blog about .. Then I remembered a comment someone made about a previous post ; "no keys or buttons" ... The person said "Ada might not have known about Ayo's shortcomings until after marriage" .. This comment inspired this post ...

This is not for the spontaneous young couples that fall in love at first sight and get married a month after meeting ... No; for those spontaneous couples, when u get married to the "angel" u don't know, don't complain when he/she hits u or womanises or she can't cook or is a bad homemaker .. No, u have no right to complain ... Ur whirlwind romance has transformed into a hurricane and u r the one to blame so take a seat \_ kuz "u don enter am"

This post Is for those who take the time to know their partners before getting married . Spend months dating and courting eachother ... The courtship period cannot be over emphasised .. Would u go to a furniture store, see a nice looking glass chair and purchase it without sitting on it or testing it in some way ?? Or would u buy a pair of shoes without examining 'em properly .. God knows I know no girl that wld buy a pair of heels without wearing and walking in 'em for atleast 5 minutes before buying 'em

If u can test ur shoes , how much more the person u want to spend the rest of your life with or the person you want to get into a serious relationship with ?

(Metaphor time) I hate wearing heels .. They are instruments of torture that I can gladly do without .. Anyhu, i have a pair of black high heels ..nd I have never worn them out ..NEVER ! EVER ! .. This is where "selective blindness" comes in .. When I wanted to buy the heels , I was in dire need of black heels .. I wore them .. They were my size and I loved how they looked on my feet but they just weren't perfectly comfortable .. Despite the lack of comfort, I bought 'em .. I saw the problem and chose to over look it and now I'm going to end up giving my heels out without ever getting to wear 'em .. THIS is selective blindness

Let's be honest with ourselves ..if u court someone for over a year , even if the person doesn't put his / her shortcomings / vices on display, you will see tiny , subtle hints .. We are the ones who choose to overlook the problems and end up suffering for it .. Unless the person is like a reaLlllllllly good actor in which case all I can tell u is sorry and get a divorce or break up .

The long and short of this is, if I hadn't been selectively blind, who knows, I cld have gotten a dress or sandals that I wld have actually worn .. Don't end up with someone whoz vices u can't put up with .. Leave 'em now and u myt find someone u'll be glad u've got both eyes to see (this is meant to be deeper than it sounds :o( ) ...

Anyone with comments and views shld make 'em known .. Thank you

No Keys or Buttons ..Help #2

So my last article was about how women ought to know how to do basic "man chores" in case of emergencies and all guys that read it approved and "hailed" me *yimu* ... THIS TIME ,*cracks knuckles* I will be talking about the flip side :oD

* rushing out of the house to make sure she doesn't end up in "after church traffic" on the island, Ada gives Ayo a swift kiss goodbye*

(How it should be)

Ada: I just got a call , I have to go for an emergency meeting at my office ..

Ayo: wow ..on a sunday ?

Ada: yes o .. You know how my job is .. And there are like a million other people waiting to take my job if I mess up . Ayo, please , I will need you to look after Tosin ; change her diaper when she "fills it up" , and feed her .. And rustle something up for urself to eat ... I'll owe you one....

Ayo: ofcourse babe .. Don't worry about it .. Have a great meeting . Love you

*Ada leaves*

(How it is sometimes)

Ada: I just got a call , I have to go for an emergency meeting at my office..

Ayo: wow ..on a sunday ? And on such short notice ?

Ada: yes o .. You know how my job is .. And there are like a million other people waiting to take my job if I mess up .

Ayo: *shrugs* well , i don't know how to change a diaper. And I never learnt how to mix her formula nd I've never been able to pacify her when shez upset ... Plus what am I even supposed to eat , I'm very hungry ?? ... Look , u'll have to make food for me before you leave and feed Tosin and change her diaper ... They should understand if u r late .. They dint give you enough time to get a nanny for the day ..


Please guys, do you honestly think this is acceptable .. Really ? .. How can a woman be married to a man and not be able to leave him with THEIR child for ONE day .. How can you be a father and not know how to take care of ur own child / children

What kind of man doesn't have the decency to know how to make food .. Atleast basic things ...women are not machines, neither are they your domestic servants .. Women need breaks ..once in a while , be kind and reasonable, let ur woman chill .. its hard holding down a 9-5, taking care of kids and an overgrown child that u r married to, cooking , cleaning and still having to look good for that overgrown baby. ..

I will DEFINITELY not marry a man that thinks a chopping board is the cover of a rectangular pot ... NO girl wants to marry a man that can't do basic "woman chores".. Standing there looking like a dosgbe at my crying child and trying to find the key or button to pacify him /her .. So guys, if u don't know how to now, plz learn .. It wld mean a lot to your future wives ....

Anyone with comments or opposing views can make them known.

No key or Button ..Help!

It has been brought to my attention that I am rather tyrannical when expressing my opinion in my articles ..so I'm going to "leave space" for people to voice out their own opinions

This post is inspired by an article I read on "domesticity" and the comments people made.


*PHCN strikes .. The husband is in traffic on his way back home from a long day at the office. Ada is right in the middle of making dinner*

How it should be:
Ada: "curse u PHCN" ... * eyes adjusting to the darkness as she fumbles around looking for the flashlight on the shelf*... "Aha! Got it !" * goes to the generator house , checks to see the amount of fuel in it and turns it on*
Ayo comes back to a nice hot meal prepared by his loving wife

How it is (sometimes):
Ada: well this is just too bad ... I told Ayo countless times to either buy an inverter or a stand-by generator mschewwww *groping around in the dark looking for her phone .. Dials Ayo's number* .. Hello , pumpkin pie. How're you

Ayo: *phone rings .. He looks at the caller I.d ..wonder what she wants to complain about now* Hi babe ..I'll be fine as soon as I get home . Wats up

Ada: err , therz no light and I havnt finished makind ur food... And u know I don't know how to operate the generator.. So should I wait for u to get back and turn it on so I can finish cooking ur rice in the rice cooker and frying ur dodo in the deep fryer ? Or will u branch at tantalizers and just buy meat pie or something ?

Plz, be objective (esp the women) do you think it is really acceptable to not be able to do the most basic "guy chores" around the house ? .. Some women don't even know how to change bulbs .. They'll probably try to fit a screw-on bulb in place of those clip ones *smh* .. Sad but true

Some women act all crazy when guys say they ought to be able to do these things.. They're like " what does he mean by that ehn ? If he wants superwoman, he too should be superman and cook and clean and feed and bathe the kids" ... Personally , I don't think this is right ... I'm not saying that if PHCN strikes and u r both home, he shld put his feet up and send u to turn on the generator, that is just the height of stupidity ; but I think women shld know how to do basic "man chores" around the house ... In case of emergencies

The same way women like to come home to a cooked meal sometimes, men also like women that know how to do some basic "guy chores" ...

What say you ?

Death of Jeans

(This post was inspired by a size 14 girl that walked by me when I was waiting to get the food I ordered ...I was discombobulated to say the least ; she totally "flabbergasted my equanimity)

A disturbing and horrific trend has come to my notice . I am sure you too have noticed it ; I speak of the death of jeans and the birth of jeggings. Yes . For all of u that do not know what jeggings are , Like my village alter-ego would call it, that shokoto that will hold onto ur body and make all ur bombom and thighs wobble and shake like water in a nylon bag.

Now that we are all on the same page , I (as some of u know), school in Ghana which is known for having women with bountiful behinds aka the ghanaian I.d card. For some reason, of recent, girls have started wearing jeggings with blouses 2 sizes too small for them ; I simply cannot hack the reasoning behind this. From the skinny, to the slim, to the curvy, to the plump, to the fat, to the very fat, to the obese. I know when girls see other girls that look good wearing some "fashionable" things, they automatically assume that it'll look nice on them .. And this, my darling woefully misguided females is not so.

It all started from skinny jeans ; After skinny jeans, girls started wearing tights and leggings under short dresses ; Then jeggings came out and all hell broke loose . So u think because its coloured blue and looks like jeans from afar its jeans ? Well its not and all u porky ...Yes, porky girls that wear jeggings with blouses that barely cover ur navels are doing the world a great dis-service by wearing this nonsense.

You think because u see size 4 girls wearing such you and ur size 14 self can wear it too ? Well u can't!! No matter how much we want to look like all the people we see on mtv and in style magazines, we can't overlook the fact that we are in Africa .. And "we don't do that here"..its not very decent looking . Apart from that, no one wants to see all ur cellulite jiggle and ur butt crack with all ur disgusting stretch marks. Just stop it ! How would u like it if you saw precious wearing a bikini?? Well ,you r in the same category so just respect urself and wear jeans or a top that'll cover your bum and celulite-afflicted thighs.

I know guys'll disagree with me kuz they like watching girls' bums shake ; But I don't think any reasonable guy would want his own girlfriend / sister parading around in jeggins and barely-there blouses ..

Anyway, the point of this post is ; jeans are not ur enemies... Jeggins are not jeans and u look like a mirror-less fat loaf of bread wearing jeggins and a tiny top .. Be sensible , cover ur bum and thighs with proper clothes. Thank you .. If u have any comments or disagreements, you can make them known.

Pretty = Dumb?

*singing Kele Kele love* "You think because I'm pretty I'm dumb dumb" ... Please where did the idea that pretty women are dumb come from? ..I don't get it , so when God is making girls ,you think He flips a coin, heads for beauty and tails for brains ??
Or the first time a boy tells a pretty girl shez pretty,you think she goes infront of the mirror to examine herself and then suddenly all the sense and knowledge she has accumulated up to that point suddenly gets sucks into the mirror ?

I kinda get the "dumb blonde" stereotype ..but how does that spread to all pretty women in the world .. Really .. Someone is goina have to explain to me

Personally, the smartest/most intelligent girls I know are the most beautiful ones .. Ima just name two (my room-mate ) Dedun and (Family friend turned cousin ...*its an African thing*) Yazmeen ... Both stupidly beautiful ..both verrrrrrrry smart ...

I actually believe that the whole pretty girls are dumb has gingered most pretty girls to make sure they are extrememly intelligent .. Being a beauty with no brains , (although appealing to some men that want trophy house wives) has become like the worst and saddest situation for women. People just say "eyahhh, what a pity , God just gave her all that beauty with no brains ..how's sad" :ol

Pretty women now have to work twice as hard just to ensure they don't fall into the "pretty dumb" category .. Its funny how no one really notices when a girl who is two steps-past-worwor. X_x is #NotWinning academically ... Its just like "ehen shez ugly and stupid ..so ?" .. But really, theirz is a wayyy worse predicament ... What do they have going for them ? Atleast "pretty dumb" can marry a guy with the brains to pass on to their kids while she passes on her beauty ..but "ugly dumb" .. ?? "Wetin she go drop" ??

For the alright looking women with great personalities and brains and intelligence. Y'all are covered, so just make sure u maintain ur great personalities and remain smart/intelligent .

I think all our attention should be shifted to "worwor dumb" to help them with their personalities and their levels of intelligence ... Let them also have something to offer. .. Atleast for the "worwor" bit, a fringe can cover half of their faces and make-up can hide the rest ... Let us help them before they become Majelas for want of purpose and societal acceptance.

If you have any comments , opinions, disagreements or suggestions, make them known. Thank you :o)

The big V

So, I read an article today about virginity and it has spurred me to write an article.

Firstly, I would like to start by saying they don't give out medals for being a virgin, you don't get some kind of discount when you fly .. U can't ask for Virgin fare / virgin discount .. Being a virgin doesn't make you a better person than non-virgins.. Therz no special type of bank account for virgins like all the "kiddies account" .. Therz no special seat allocated to virgins on the bus or on trains ..it doesn't help u jump the queue when u r waiting to use the atm.. The market women won't make pricing any easier .. Infact a good number of guys can't take girls' virginities and therefore will not date virgins until its time for marriage .. A good number if not all guys can't stay in a sex-less relationship for up to 3 years. Infact most of the guys I know don't mind their wives being non-virgins as long as they weren't hoes ...

So think about all these things before you claim to be a virgin just so that guy that's 22 years old (that's not remotely ready for marriage and doesn't sleep with virgins) would date you . Really though, I don't understand why some girls claim to be virigins ..if you are not, you are not .. As long as you are not a hoe, its not something you should lie about so you can "look good" ...remember, you don't get any discounts so just stop it .. All you are doing is reducing the credibility of virgins..

Classic example is one of a first year student in my school who went around acting all righteous .. Tying scarves and wearing "Mary Amaka" skirts and shortly into the first semester of her first year starred in her very own sex-tape with a boy that wasn't even her boyfriend ... I can't help but think that it wouldn't have been that big a deal if she dint go around putting up the facade of being the epitome of virgin Mary ... Because really, you are in the university, no one is going to flog you for doing " bad things"

*hand on chest* I know of a girl whose mother checks if she and her sisters are still virgins everytime they go back home for holidays .. I almost passed out when I found out ... I just sat there like 'are u even joking' ..like WTF!!

What I would not stand for is losing your virginity to a guy just to keep him in your relationship .. Any girl that does this is stupid and ignorant ..if however you lose it to your boyfriend of many years because you are in love and think u've waited long enough, then fine... Just use a condom because u don't know where "junior' has been playing :ol ..

To all the real virgins out there that are saving themselves for marriage, I hope you make it despite all the pressure .. When people ask you and you tell them you are waiting till marriage, don't let them discourage you with their laughter and jeers ... And to all the non-virgins .. Just make sure you don't "ho around".

Thank you .. You can leave ur comments if you have any.