New Site

Hi everyone .. this is my last post on blogspot .. all my posts are on and subsequent ones shall be posted on www.palavachronicles.wordpress.com because it is much easier to post comments on wordpress than here . Thank you :o)

set?

Let me start by saying , mummy and daddy , this isn't one of my wisdom or morally inclined blog posts so errr, you can stop reading here (I know mummy will continue tho) :ol ... O yh, Izien inspired this post

So summer 2011 is right round the corner !!! Whoop whoop ! I can whoop about it because i have sure "P" .. All of you that whooped too chop hi5 , I know u whooped because you have set your own P ... Because I'm pretty sure my mother is reading this, P and some other words will not be defined just try to keep up.

#1. Where to scout for ur P

In the old times, the long long ago , yes, 2 years ago, facebook was the place to scout for ur P , everyone was on it ; well, everyone cool . But now literally EVERYONE is on it ...including my mother (yes mummy, I know you are still reading).. Now all the cool kids have moved on to twitter where they display their beauty via their avatars and their brains via their 'witty and hilarious' tweets ...

You, yes you, I know you ff'd him because he looked cute in his avatar; and you because someone tweeted that she has a bountiful behind you checked out her profile and followed her ... You don't have to be ashamed , *in Don Jazzy's voice* NOW IS THE TIME to follow who u wana set P with. ..
So now that u've followed him/her and have gotten him/her to follow you back by RT 'ing their tweets and adding funny remarks (after racking ur brain) to their tweets ; you can now start exchanging DMs and "casually" suggest that you "take this convo to bbm or som'n" (das right, you have to play it cool .. You can even blame MTN) " this DM'ing is a long thing and MTN is just messing up so its taking ages to send" ;)

*Eva lordiah's voice* completed the 1st stage of P setting, you don did it B^) .. I'm pretty sure I don't have to coach you on what to say ... If you do need coaching, thers an app for that .. #RamYourHeadIntoABrickWall :ol

#2 How To Induce the person

You must display ur "coolness" , never put up razz pictures as your DP .. Just the fresh ones (you can send it to a close friend of the opposite sex to confirm its degree of hotness just to be certain ) ...
Although we all like the cowbell oyoyoyoyoyo jingle and we jam to it on the 'regz'. (Well I do) , you might wana reduce how often you listen to it ( if u display what you are listening to on bbm or just "un display" what you are listening to ) .. Razz is kind of the new cool (blame Jenifa) but you don't wana scare away ur prospective P now do you ?

Talk about all the cool , fun and crazy stuff you do / are into .. Make sure you have a lot of things in common (yes, I mean stalk the person, find out what they like to do and exaggerate the number of times you do 'em too /like 'em ) .. Complement them and all that "sweet nothings" stuff but on NO account should you come right out and say "hey, I wanna set P" .. When you meet at one of the many places you guys 'surprisingly' both frequent ;), let things flow and the after the "first FLOW" of things, you can then say its nothing serious and present all the disclaimers you have. (You may contact me to draw up legal documents to aid you in this department ; it'll cost you tho)

Part of inducing 'em is dressing properly .. Get a hair cut or your hair done ; don't dress like you are colour and style blind, this will surely end the P .. Everyone wants a presentable looking P .. Purchase new perfume for the summer if you have to so you'll have a signature smell (I thiunk signature smells are cool)

#3 Enjoy yourself !! (Sensibly ofcourse ; we don't want you drinking, ' getting knowledge'. And racing on 3rd mainland bridge x_x)

*B.I.G's voice* follow these rules and you'll have a nice time this summer ... Actually , I'm not an expert on P setting but this should help out ... Anyone with extra pointers and comments can make 'em known .

Love you mum (yes I know you read it up to this point) :*

personal space

You know how most of my articles although humorous (as I've been told *side eye at bad belle people *cough* Sanmi*cough*) always have some moral / deep message .. Well , I don't want to do that this time .. Or atleast the message won't be a deep one. I think I'll just rant about personal space.

For those of you who for some unbelievable/ unacceptable reason don't know what personal space is ... Infact I don't believe some people don't know what this is so I'ma just skip the explanation ..

standing on a queue waiting to use the atm .. As a reasonable human being , u maintain a certain distance between yourself and the person infront of you .. And then M (M for moron) joins the queue behind you .. And by behind you, I mean "half-a-foot-step" behind you .. I mean "if-you-sneeze-your-head-might-accidentally-hit-M" behind you .... Why oh why would someone do this ? I don't understand !! If I understood, I'd probably beat myself into a coma because this is not the kind of behaviour a reasonable human being should understand -_-

You are sitting quietly reading an interesting novel /blog post :D and someone walks up to you for the first time and as they talk to you asking all sorts of irrelevant nonsense (might I add that they are unattractive and smell that they've been packed in a car full of sweaty people like "sandine") they keep touching you ... This might not seem bad but it drives me crazy !!! I hate being touched unnecessarily not to talk of being touched by such a person.. All I'd be thinking is "is there a way I can cut ur hand off and make it look like an accident ?"

Also can't stand random people who stare at what you are doing (typing/ tweeting/ looking at pictures) on your phone and then pass comments ... COME ON !!! Its bad enough that I can feel ur unwanted gaze you are even commenting ?!?!?! What is wrong with you ? Would u like a good old fashioned "Holy water and broom" deliverance ? *hisses shortly 3 times and taps head* this is one of the most annoying things someone can do to me without physical contact .

This final scenario might be a SUB and it might not .. Please young men (and women too) know when a young lady doesn't not want you to come to her room ... I "jeje-ly" set out on my own WITH MY EARPHONES IN MY EARS to buy credit and return to my room in peace ...you saw me on my way back , I sed a quick hello (not removing the earphones from my ears HINT HINT) and break into a brisk walk trying to get away from you but Noooooooo you take it upon urself to jog after me and walk me right into my room without my invitation .... Why ?! Why?! Why?! Why would you do this ?! Like really ?! ..please, if someone does not invite you to their place of residence , do not take it upon yourself to form friendship and keep them company.. If they want your company, they will ask for it


Guess I'll wrap it up now .. This is the end of my rant .. Anyone with other personal space scenarios or comments should make 'em known. :)

personal space

You know how most of my articles although humorous (as I've been told *side eye at bad belle people *cough* Sanmi*cough*) always have some moral / deep message .. Well , I don't want to do that this time .. Or atleast the message won't be a deep one. I think I'll just rant about personal space.

For those of you who for some unbelievable/ unacceptable reason don't know what personal space is ... Infact I don't believe some people don't know what this is so I'ma just skip the explanation ..

standing on a queue waiting to use the atm .. As a reasonable human being , u maintain a certain distance between yourself and the person infront of you .. And then M (M for moron) joins the queue behind you .. And by behind you, I mean "half-a-foot-step" behind you .. I mean "if-you-sneeze-your-head-might-accidentally-hit-M" behind you .... Why oh why would someone do this ? I don't understand !! If I understood, I'd probably beat myself into a coma because this is not the kind of behaviour a reasonable human being should understand -_-

You are sitting quietly reading an interesting novel /blog post :D and someone walks up to you for the first time and as they talk to you asking all sorts of irrelevant nonsense (might I add that they are unattractive and smell that they've been packed in a car full of sweaty people like "sandine") they keep touching you ... This might not seem bad but it drives me crazy !!! I hate being touched unnecessarily not to talk of being touched by such a person.. All I'd be thinking is "is there a way I can cut ur hand off and make it look like an accident ?"

Also can't stand random people who stare at what you are doing (typing/ tweeting/ looking at pictures) on your phone and then pass comments ... COME ON !!! Its bad enough that I can feel ur unwanted gaze you are even commenting ?!?!?! What is wrong with you ? Would u like a good old fashioned "Holy water and broom" deliverance ? *hisses shortly 3 times and taps head* this is one of the most annoying things someone can do to me without physical contact .

This final scenario might be a SUB and it might not .. Please young men (and women too) know when a young lady doesn't not want you to come to her room ... I "jeje-ly" set out on my own WITH MY EARPHONES IN MY EARS to buy credit and return to my room in peace ...you saw me on my way back , I sed a quick hello (not removing the earphones from my ears HINT HINT) and break into a brisk walk trying to get away from you but Noooooooo you take it upon urself to jog after me and walk me right into my room without my invitation .... Why ?! Why?! Why?! Why would you do this ?! Like really ?! ..please, if someone does not invite you to their place of residence , do not take it upon yourself to form friendship and keep them company.. If they want your comopany, they will ask for it

Guess I'll wrap it up now .. This is the end of my rant .. Anyone with other personal space scenarios or comments should make 'em known. :)

Dictation

Just as I was about to give up on blogging today for lack of what to blog about, a thought came to me .. So today I'll be blogging about what we take into consideration when making huge decisions in our lives ..

As an 18 year old (yes dastrite I'm 18), I havnt had to make a lot of huge decisions ;atleast not by myself .. My parents have always been there to advise me ( thank God cause I'm pretty sure my life would be in shambles if I were to have been the one making the decisions) . At some point in time we have to make decisions .. I'm not talking about "do I want Chicken or Turkey" or "should I buy this curly weave or this wavy one" ... (Or my most recent dillema) "should I do centre parting or side parting" .. (S/o to everyone that helped me decide) No ..I'm talking about the big ones ; the ones that'll leave their marks on you for the rest of your life.


We all read all the advice columns in newspapers and magazines : " Dear aunty Vero, I am a 24 year old lady and I do not know whether I should marry my high school sweet heart that is still struggling financially or this new rich guy I met that pampers me and also makes me happy " .. And then Aunty Vero starts talking about many things , not directly answering the question .. She basically says do what makes u happy .. No one should decide for u .. Blah blah blah

But is this really the reality of the situation ? Do we really make decisions based solely on our happiness and feelings ? What factors really dictate what steps in life we take ? .. Societal norms , culture , logic and then personal happiness (let me know if I left anything out) ..

Sometimes we make decisions and then blame our (temporary) unhappiness on the fact that ur decision wasn't really based on ur feelings ... Truth be told, in the long run we'll probably be glad the decision wasn't made based on our feelings at the time ... Personally , I would NEVER have chosen to study law if the decision was based on my feelings. ..I certainly won't have willingly opted to stress myself so much when I cld have chosen to do something easier .. Right now, I'm at the "why did I do this to myself" stage ..but I'm pretty sure in the long run , I'll be very glad that this is the path I chose.

If we all based decisions solely on feelings, the world would be in utter chaos , no one would get anything done. Don't lie, you probably think you are the worst procrastinator ever ; there could be an "I'm the biggest procrastinator ever" competition and everyone would genuinely believe they are entitled to the prize .. Its just human nature .. We want to relax and chill and live in the moment... We only get into action when we know we have to.

I am however not saying fling your feelings out of the window during your decision making process.. They do matter ; but they are not ALL that matter.
So when someone advices you to make an important decision based on what you feel .. Stop and think because your feelings aren't the only item on your " factors-for-decision-making list". The bottom point is let ALL the factors inform your decision making.

Comments, opposing views and agreements should be made known

selective blindness

Was cracking my head trying to figure out what to blog about .. Then I remembered a comment someone made about a previous post ; "no keys or buttons" ... The person said "Ada might not have known about Ayo's shortcomings until after marriage" .. This comment inspired this post ...

This is not for the spontaneous young couples that fall in love at first sight and get married a month after meeting ... No; for those spontaneous couples, when u get married to the "angel" u don't know, don't complain when he/she hits u or womanises or she can't cook or is a bad homemaker .. No, u have no right to complain ... Ur whirlwind romance has transformed into a hurricane and u r the one to blame so take a seat \_ kuz "u don enter am"

This post Is for those who take the time to know their partners before getting married . Spend months dating and courting eachother ... The courtship period cannot be over emphasised .. Would u go to a furniture store, see a nice looking glass chair and purchase it without sitting on it or testing it in some way ?? Or would u buy a pair of shoes without examining 'em properly .. God knows I know no girl that wld buy a pair of heels without wearing and walking in 'em for atleast 5 minutes before buying 'em

If u can test ur shoes , how much more the person u want to spend the rest of your life with or the person you want to get into a serious relationship with ?

(Metaphor time) I hate wearing heels .. They are instruments of torture that I can gladly do without .. Anyhu, i have a pair of black high heels ..nd I have never worn them out ..NEVER ! EVER ! .. This is where "selective blindness" comes in .. When I wanted to buy the heels , I was in dire need of black heels .. I wore them .. They were my size and I loved how they looked on my feet but they just weren't perfectly comfortable .. Despite the lack of comfort, I bought 'em .. I saw the problem and chose to over look it and now I'm going to end up giving my heels out without ever getting to wear 'em .. THIS is selective blindness

Let's be honest with ourselves ..if u court someone for over a year , even if the person doesn't put his / her shortcomings / vices on display, you will see tiny , subtle hints .. We are the ones who choose to overlook the problems and end up suffering for it .. Unless the person is like a reaLlllllllly good actor in which case all I can tell u is sorry and get a divorce or break up .

The long and short of this is, if I hadn't been selectively blind, who knows, I cld have gotten a dress or sandals that I wld have actually worn .. Don't end up with someone whoz vices u can't put up with .. Leave 'em now and u myt find someone u'll be glad u've got both eyes to see (this is meant to be deeper than it sounds :o( ) ...

Anyone with comments and views shld make 'em known .. Thank you

No Keys or Buttons ..Help #2

So my last article was about how women ought to know how to do basic "man chores" in case of emergencies and all guys that read it approved and "hailed" me *yimu* ... THIS TIME ,*cracks knuckles* I will be talking about the flip side :oD

* rushing out of the house to make sure she doesn't end up in "after church traffic" on the island, Ada gives Ayo a swift kiss goodbye*

(How it should be)

Ada: I just got a call , I have to go for an emergency meeting at my office ..

Ayo: wow ..on a sunday ?

Ada: yes o .. You know how my job is .. And there are like a million other people waiting to take my job if I mess up . Ayo, please , I will need you to look after Tosin ; change her diaper when she "fills it up" , and feed her .. And rustle something up for urself to eat ... I'll owe you one....

Ayo: ofcourse babe .. Don't worry about it .. Have a great meeting . Love you

*Ada leaves*

(How it is sometimes)

Ada: I just got a call , I have to go for an emergency meeting at my office..

Ayo: wow ..on a sunday ? And on such short notice ?

Ada: yes o .. You know how my job is .. And there are like a million other people waiting to take my job if I mess up .

Ayo: *shrugs* well , i don't know how to change a diaper. And I never learnt how to mix her formula nd I've never been able to pacify her when shez upset ... Plus what am I even supposed to eat , I'm very hungry ?? ... Look , u'll have to make food for me before you leave and feed Tosin and change her diaper ... They should understand if u r late .. They dint give you enough time to get a nanny for the day ..


Please guys, do you honestly think this is acceptable .. Really ? .. How can a woman be married to a man and not be able to leave him with THEIR child for ONE day .. How can you be a father and not know how to take care of ur own child / children

What kind of man doesn't have the decency to know how to make food .. Atleast basic things ...women are not machines, neither are they your domestic servants .. Women need breaks ..once in a while , be kind and reasonable, let ur woman chill .. its hard holding down a 9-5, taking care of kids and an overgrown child that u r married to, cooking , cleaning and still having to look good for that overgrown baby. ..

I will DEFINITELY not marry a man that thinks a chopping board is the cover of a rectangular pot ... NO girl wants to marry a man that can't do basic "woman chores".. Standing there looking like a dosgbe at my crying child and trying to find the key or button to pacify him /her .. So guys, if u don't know how to now, plz learn .. It wld mean a lot to your future wives ....

Anyone with comments or opposing views can make them known.